If you are a parent, I just want to ask you for five minutes. I think that's all it should take to make you think differently about bullying, an issue most of us don't spend a lot of time on. It's a terrible problem we read about, hear about and feel bad about. But too many of us look at bullying and think "Well, it's not my problem." Well, look harder-- it is.
Here's what I want you to think about: your kid doesn't have to be a bully or the bullied to be affected or have a role to play in solving the problem. In fact, the bystander might make all the difference in the world in stopping this epidemic in its tracks.
For the parents of the bullied, you may know your child is endangered, but like many parents you aren't sure how much of an impact it's having on your child or how to stop it, so you do nothing. And if you are the parent of a bully, chances are you have spent a lot of time convincing yourself "this is just what kids do" rather than facing the issue seriously as a family. |
But the real opportunity to change the cycle of bullying is found with the bystander. Those kids who see it happening, but not knowing what to do, do nothing. There is a good chance that this is how bullying affects your child. And there is something you can do for them - something that could not only help them, but help those kids who are being bullied.
What makes this such a challenge is that, for the most part, kids just aren't talking. All the research shows that bullied children keep their anguish to themselves. |
They feel shame at being victimized and are embarrassed to tell their parents that they need help. But the kids who witness what's going on -- the bystanders - are victims too. They stay mum, afraid that if they "tell on" the bully, they'll become the next victim or be ostracized by their peers.
So what can you do? |
1. Talk to adults about bullying and what is happening to them. If not
you, encourage them to also talk to trusted teachers, coaches or others. Make them understand it's OKAY to tell someone what they see. 2. Encourage them to help the person being bullied get away from the situation. 3. Tell them to be a friend to the person being bullied. Small actions and support can be a lifeline. Help them empathize with the victims. 4. Be a leader by setting a good example - do not bully others. And that means explaining what bullying really is. 5. This is very important - Don't give bullying an audience. Many bullies thrive on having other kids see what they are doing. |
Whichever parent you are - of a bully, the bullied, or more likely than not, the bystander -- it is time for all of us to get more involved. The epidemic of bullying must be confronted. Parents, it is up to you. If you think bullying is not a factor in your child's life, I urge you to look deeper into your child's moods, their actions, and engage them.
Because what you don't know may be the thing that your son or daughter is worrying about every day. Bullying can leave emotional scars more serious than a bruise.
Because what you don't know may be the thing that your son or daughter is worrying about every day. Bullying can leave emotional scars more serious than a bruise.
A friend just recently told me that his son was as happy as he has seen him in years. When I asked why, he said he asked his son that very question. He had just changed schools. His son said, "This is the first time in three years I don't have to worry about being bullied." My friend was stunned. He never knew his son had been a victim of bullying.
Now that you've given me five minutes, is it okay to ask for a couple more? |
MAKE A PLEDGE
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I ask all parents to watch the videos below, follow us on Facebook and visit dosomething.org. But most of all, find time to talk to your children. Moms and Dads, no one is counting on you more than your kids.
We, you, the kids - we've all got to be in this together. |
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Parent view,
I absolutely agree that the bystanders ARE the solution to bullying and we have to stop collectively enabling and actually ENCOURAGING bullying. And that starts with the ADULTS rather than the children. This problem got huge because adults are NOT LISTENING and they dismiss the problems no matter how far they have already escalated.
School districts with multiple bullycide episodes in one year declare they don't have a problem and focus their efforts on reputation management instead of preventing more deaths. Bullying is a top down problem - just as corporate culture is top down. Look at the quotes and video about how Social Media Intensifies Bullying on Social Implications at http://socialimplications.com/bullying-prevention/ to see what I mean about issues being ignored.
The bottom line is society encourages bullies. Adults let them get away with it - often because the bullies are top athletes or the children of powerful or wealthy parents who serve as role models. Bullying is LEARNED behavior - and those who model it are often proud of how they get their way and don't see anything wrong with their kids doing the same. Bystanders often laugh and look up to the bullies or are afraid of them and would need to act as a group to stop them.
The good news, though, is that just as once smoking was socially acceptable and now it is not - we can make bullying socially unacceptable and greatly reduce this problem.
I absolutely agree that the bystanders ARE the solution to bullying and we have to stop collectively enabling and actually ENCOURAGING bullying. And that starts with the ADULTS rather than the children. This problem got huge because adults are NOT LISTENING and they dismiss the problems no matter how far they have already escalated.
School districts with multiple bullycide episodes in one year declare they don't have a problem and focus their efforts on reputation management instead of preventing more deaths. Bullying is a top down problem - just as corporate culture is top down. Look at the quotes and video about how Social Media Intensifies Bullying on Social Implications at http://socialimplications.com/bullying-prevention/ to see what I mean about issues being ignored.
The bottom line is society encourages bullies. Adults let them get away with it - often because the bullies are top athletes or the children of powerful or wealthy parents who serve as role models. Bullying is LEARNED behavior - and those who model it are often proud of how they get their way and don't see anything wrong with their kids doing the same. Bystanders often laugh and look up to the bullies or are afraid of them and would need to act as a group to stop them.
The good news, though, is that just as once smoking was socially acceptable and now it is not - we can make bullying socially unacceptable and greatly reduce this problem.
Mr. John Logan, “The Principal”
I absolutely agree that bystanders, becoming involved ARE a start to the solution to remedy the problem. As a society, we need to consider both sides here not just the victims. Until we can do that we will never be able to get rid of bullying. In addition to changing societies viewpoint unless the world and people can have no emotions like anger, jealousy, or hate we really cannot get rid of bullying. Bullying stems from these emotions and unfortunately you CANNOT get rid of human emotions. |
The term bullying has become widely overused as well. If a kid tells someone that their shoes are ugly it is immediately assumed that they are bullying. No, the kid just said that he didn't like the shoes. It's not bullying it's an opinion.
Bullying also does not cause suicides. Let's get real people. We've all been bullied but the majority of us have come out relatively okay in the end. |
The kids who are bullied and commit suicide tend to have other mental disorders. Most are already depressed, have already attempted suicide before they were bullied, or any other number of mental health problems. If bullying was the sole cause of suicides there would be a whole lot more of them.
We have to remember that the bully and the victim are both hurting and they both need help. Unless society can come to that realization nothing is going to change unfortunately.
We have to remember that the bully and the victim are both hurting and they both need help. Unless society can come to that realization nothing is going to change unfortunately.
Mrs. Jessica Bowyer, Call Centre Manager.
As a society, we need to consider both sides ! What a lot of people need to realize is that bullies tend to have their own issues. They pick on other people because they feel insecure about themselves. And if they are not insecure then there are generally neurological or psychological issues going on. Most bullies have an emotional or behavioral disorder that makes it so they cannot or do not understand social cues among other things. A lot of people jump to the idea that a bully picks on people just to bully. This is not true. |
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I have a personal connection with the issue and as an education major it is a HUGE issue that needs to be discussed. However, we also have to look at the bully in this situation and see if he or she has their own personal issues going on because generally they do. I know with my situation the bully does have a behavioral disorder as well as depression that makes him not see that what he says or does can hurt other people because he cannot pick up on those social cues. He knows right from wrong but reading people just does not click in his brain.
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I think the parent's of the one's being a bullied need to quit standing behind their kids in denial. Get the kids help if you need to. I get angrier at the parent then I do the kids, if I find out the parent is contributing to the bullying. The kids see all the things against bullying at school, I know my kids school had posters up, but that doesn't stop the kids. It begins at home. I keep my ears open with my kids, as much as I can, to make sure they are treating people with respect. I can't watch them all the time though. I hope I raised them to not be bullies.